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Feb 13: Alternating Between Clarity and Thinking March 3, 2012

Posted by Living Abundance in Uncategorized.
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My sit today wasn’t the best as I was incredibly tired, so perhaps I need to catch up on sleep more than I need meditation.

I was quite drowsy during my sit, where I experienced the now all-too-familiar wandering half-asleep mind. Random thoughts would keep coming up and despite my best efforts to notice when I was getting sleepy, I wasn’t aware of being lost in thought. I actually nodded off at least once.

I decided I should get up and do some walking meditation, but this took some effort as my body felt very tired and heavy and I didn’t want to stand up.

My walking meditation wasn’t much better in comparison. It didn’t seem that I could focus on either my breath or my steps. My mind kept wandering and picking up planning thoughts. I actually started to experience quite a bit of anxious thoughts and felt the tension and stress of these worrisome thoughts. The anxious thoughts were quite powerful, I felt like there was nothing I could do to escape them.

Nevertheless, I sat back down for a few more minutes and tried my best to concentrate for the rest of the sit. A fascinating thing happened when my mind slipped from a drowsy state into a moment of very intense clarity or alertness. I was suddenly very strongly aware and alert of my entire body and all of my surroundings. This lasted a few breaths before the thoughts came back.

During the day, I noticed the same variation between anxiety and worry to peaceful stillness and calm.

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