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Feb 17: Replaying the Past, Anticipating the Future March 3, 2012

Posted by Living Abundance in Uncategorized.
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I meditated on campus this morning in a meditation room, and I had just come from some conversations with people I knew. I found that at the start of my sit my mind was still in these conversations, where I was replaying them in my mind and trying to determine if I said the right thing.
I was unable to focus my attention on my breathing for any longer than a few moments during my sit, my mind kept wandering off much too easily. There were just a lot of thoughts wandering through my mind, so I found it almost impossible to get concentrated.
When the bell went off this morning, I was making up a story about my vacation, in particular how this is a rare occasion for me to be going on a tropical vacation, compared to other people I know.
Before I leave today I want to share some thoughts about privacy and disclosure. I am a very private person and find it difficult to disclose any personal information about myself to just about anyone, including my closest friends. For myself, I  recognize how valuable it is when I know that other people share similar experiences with me, and that I am not alone in my difficulties. Something I have been trying to do lately is be more open and honest with close and trusted friends and family, as well as acquaintances.
This writing project has been challenging for me to disclose things in writing I wouldn’t even tell people in person. I’ve really noticed how I am still holding a lot of things back, where something happens but I decide I don’t need to write about it: “People don’t need to hear that.” Let’s just say it has been eye-opening for me to see how much I still am trying to keep things inside! But I do enjoy writing, so maybe with more practice I can get better at sharing my thoughts and experiences for others.



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