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Feb 4: Space Inside March 3, 2012

Posted by Living Abundance in Uncategorized.
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I woke up in the morning with a lot of anxious thoughts in my mind, but instead of sitting right away, I distracted myself with some internet browsing (“online tangents,” as I like to call it). When I finally got to my sitting, I still noticed quite a bit of thoughts and plans coming up. It took some effort, but I was able to concentrate on my breath and focus my mental energy on the present moment. I felt quite a bit of relief to have some moments away from the power of these anxious thoughts. In my body, I noticed feelings of self-compassion arising for giving myself this space; these few brief, fleeting moments free of anxiety and worry.

After my meditation I went outside to run some errands, and I felt so much better, I was smiling at the clouds, the sky and the cars going by on the street. By the afternoon, the anxious thoughts were back and followed me throughout much of the day.

Later in the afternoon, I had quite a unique experience…I will try to capture it in words but am not sure I can do it justice. I was riding on the bus and trying to bring my attention back to my breathing. I noticed that with each breath I was breathing in the space and the air around me and outside. The more I focused my attention on the breath as I was breathing, the more space I felt inside. When this space grew, it left no room for the anxious, worrying thoughts to take over. I got off the bus and slowly walked to my apartment. In front of the building was a still puddle of water, and I stopped and stared at it, mesmerized. The breeze would briefly touch the water, and the reflection would stir a little, then the water would return to its perfect, clear reflection. Amazingly beautiful and a symbol of my experience at that moment.

…A one-of-a-kind experience, but this has happened to me a few times in the past few weeks.

I will leave with the thought that was present when the mindfulness bell went off this morning: “Our political system needs to be reformed.” Yep, you read that right. I laughed at this one for a good couple of minutes. Yes, Andrea, you reform that political system while you sit on that bench and stare at the wall…

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