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Freedom from a “Career” April 21, 2012

Posted by Living Abundance in Uncategorized.
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The other day I was contemplating some of the things that I am attached to: “Can I let go of money? Can I let go of planning? Can I let go of a social life? Can I let go of productivity?” I see how I have been attached to them for a long time and am not sure if I will be completely unattached from them anytime soon.

Later on, I had a spare moment at work where I was finished some of my other duties and had some anxious thoughts about how to spend this time. I had some very anxious and urgent thoughts that I should do some more career research. Lately I have been spending quite a bit of time researching career options, job titles, salaries, and informational interviewing, but I still feel like I have a lot of work to do before I enter the “real world.”

I was able to notice how the thoughts about my career were filling me with quite a bit of impatience, anxiety, and dread. It wasn’t until later, while I was out for a walk or a bike ride outside, that the thought suddenly popped into my mind:

“Can I let go of a ‘career’?”

In my mind, a career represents a certain classification that I fit into based on my years of training, my previous work experience, and a job leading towards some promotion or advancement in a field.

This thought was quite new and quite exhilarating, while at the same time being quite scary. I’m sure it has come up before, but not lately, and not since I have been doing more preparations for applying for jobs. It seemed to give me quite a bit of happiness and peace, because letting go represented freedom.

I think the thought represented freedom because it gives me the freedom to work at whatever interests me. I am not constrained specifically to what I have had training in.

It also gives me the freedom to leave a job I don’t like. For some reason I anticipate this happening because I seem to get bored with subjects I work on easily.

It gives me the freedom from trying to earn a promotion or advancement at a job, where I don’t have to be attached to an outcome. I wouldn’t be working to get a promotion, I would be working just to work.

Finally, I think it gives me the freedom of trying to meet others’ expectations. Fulfilling others’ expectations of me is a surprising one to come up, because I tell myself that I am completely independent in how I arrange my life. Apparently not, because in the back of my mind there is a need to find a good job to impress others.

Of course, freedom from a career also fills me with anxiety and dread, because it might mean I don’t make enough money, I don’t get enough prestige or advance anywhere in my field, and it might mean a lack of job security. In all, I guess I’m not sure what exactly it means, maybe because I’m trying too hard to look into the future.

Maybe its just good to have the idea of freedom in the back of my mind while I am doing my job preparations, just to be able to touch it and feel like there is a way out from this rigid, anxiety-filled activity.

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