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“I Am A Practitioner” June 14, 2012

Posted by Living Abundance in Uncategorized.
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In the space of 12 days I have to complete my oral thesis defense, pack up my belongings, and move across the country…

Currently showing in the theatre of Andrea’s Mind is a new series entitled “Fear and Anxiety,” featuring such attention-grabbing titles as “Will I humiliate myself at my oral defense?”, Will I have time to pack all of my posessions?”, and “Will I miss my train?”–plus many more!

Somehow I have managed to continue a routine that I have kept since returning from my most recent retreat of practicing meditation twice a day, mornings and evenings, and this is the longest period of time I have been able to do this. I am determined to work with my suffering and face it head-on, as much as I can.

I am trying my best to stay mindful, to stay with my breath, to stay within the body rather than let the mind take over, and be grounded in the present moment without letting the mind travel far into the future and contemplate worst-case scenarios.

My efforts don’t always work. I still have periods of doubt and confusion, where I wonder what I need to do to handle the situation.

Its in these times when an insight occurs to me that changes my state of shrinking up in fear to expanding in possibility:

“I am a practitioner.”

This affirmation comes to me at the most unlikely of times, and I am able to remember where I am in the present moment. I am a meditation practitioner. I have taken refuge in the three jewels. I have received the five mindfulness trainings.

Suddenly I picture myself sitting up straighter, standing tall and proud and determined. I know what to do. The answer will come to me when I let it, when I am not clinging in fear but breathing mindfully in the present moment. I am on the the spiritual path and I will continue to the best of my capacity at this time.

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